


Collision Course

by Somedrunkpirate



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, First Kiss, Fluff, Friendship, Getting Together, M/M, Marauders Friendship, Marauders' Era, Pining, They are mostly being idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-27
Updated: 2017-06-10
Packaged: 2018-11-05 12:04:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11013069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Somedrunkpirate/pseuds/Somedrunkpirate
Summary: When James finally gets together with Lily, Remus expects a time of elated celebration. What they get instead is a muted adjusting period.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My first time writing outside of my usual Inception bubble, so thank you for joining me on this adventure! I hope you like it :) 
> 
> If there is interest, I've got idea's for a continuation of this fic.

 

When James finally gets together with Lily, Remus expects a time of elated celebration.

James’ pining for Lily had been a constant within the history of the Marauders. It was a rule, as Sirius put it one drunken night: James Potter will always be in thrall of the red fox named Lily, and we brave knights of the Marauders must aid him on his eternal quest.

Despite that none of them truly believed in the eventual coming together of James’ destiny, they persisted in their support, and against all chance and laws they thought they had understood about this world, Lily fell in love, and the dream became reality.

Remus, in his floating thoughts of future eventualities had once or twice wondered upon the possibility of success, and theorized that the time _after_ would be one of great hope for all for them. It should have prophesied great fortune, formed a new found grace to the universe; the impossible became possible.

What they get instead is a muted adjusting period.

 

James _does_ partake in elated celebration, but he celebrates with Lily, not with his friends. His absence is a shock to all of them. Although retrospectively, they should have seen it coming.

The consequences of his absence are destructive to say the least. The Marauders don’t feel like the Marauders anymore. This makes Remus stand back and reflect. Because when one fourth of a group leaves, shouldn’t the majority that is left behind keep the group from disintegrating? Shouldn’t they be able to click together in this new form and adjust to the change?

The answer of this is, of course, no, because although they had been a solid group of friends before the fraction, they have never been a balanced assembly. And also proven by this experiment, there is a problem with codependency somewhere and it’s not so subtle as it was before.

Sirius and James have always been the main core of the group. Not as individuals, but as a pair. Their synergy is what fuels the Marauders, their friendship forms the basis where Remus and Peter hold on to for dear life. They are like two planets twirling together in collision, always pushing and pulling, but never fully destroying the other.

Peter is the sole inhabitant of the planet called James. He’s made insignificant due to sheer difference in size – both literally and figuratively – but he is welcomed. Their friendship is one of worship and kindness, with a hint of selfish use on both sides.

Remus is the moon orbiting Sirius, which is ironically fitting as a metaphor. Always close-by; attracted by the gravitating personality and charm, but never too close, always at a distance. Observing, waiting, hiding. Wanting.

Now that James left their apocalyptic dance, their universe crumbles.

Peter is lost, Sirius is missing his other half, and Remus is left reflecting. He comes to the conclusion that he can’t let them slip through his fingers like this. It’s been a month since the happy couple reigned destruction upon their peaceful lives, and Remus is willing to lecture a certain James Potter for being a shitty friend in order to get some semblance of balance back.

Because Peter is hinging on being officially depressed and/or drowned in food because James isn’t here to tell him that eating the eleventh chocolate frog of the hour is _not_ a smart choice, and Remus is tired of being a replacing motherhen.

And because it’s torture to see Sirius like this, walking around the halls like a zombie, as if James took all the creative energy with him and stole Sirius’ enthusiasm for good measure. Sirius is so lonely that he attaches himself to Remus like a cat, always near, always demanding attention. Remus can’t read a book without having Sirius’ head on his lap. Which Remus doesn’t mind in theory, but unfortunately, having someone on you all the time is not practical in reality, or very comfortable. Certainly if the reason behind this tactility is not affection towards Remus, but a reaction to the absence of another person.

Remus can’t take his hand through Sirius’ hair like he wants to without feeling like he’s committing atrocious crimes by selfishly using Sirius’ vulnerability to his advantage. This is why he prefers distance to temptation. With James around, Sirius’ inherent need for touch based comfort is divided between two people, which makes it easier to deal with.

Conclusion: James should get his arse back here and think hard about if he really wants to abandon his friends of over 5 years for a girl, admittedly a girl he’s been pining over for that same amount, but still. The Marauders are like family, a quote directly from James’ mouth, and family calls each other out on their idiotics.

So Remus unceremoniously pushes Sirius off of him in order to go on a warpath.

Sirius takes one look upon his face and knows what he’s planning. His telepathic tendencies have only grown worse, now that Remus is the only subject of his terrifying attention.

Sirius smiles a grim smile before releasing Remus from his hold. “Punch him for me.”

“I’m not going to punch anyone, but I’m going to lecture, if necessary,” Remus replies, shrugging on his coat and looking at the map– If he’s quick, he can intercept James from his quidditch training after which he will walk to the lake to meet up with Lily.

Sirius skips the trainings because, allegedly, James does not shut up about Lily, even during practice. After a while, Sirius stormed out of the trainings fuming and started avoiding James all together.

Which brings Remus to the second part of the problem, and the reason why _he_ has the responsibility to drag them out of this rut. Sirius and James are actively fighting and refuse to talk to each other. They both blame the other for the lack of communication, which turns into avoidance, which turns into another reason for James to be absent.

“A lecture. I like where this is going,” Sirius says smugly. He stretches on the bed, burying into the spot where Remus just sat. “That’s worse than being punched.”

“If you weren’t childish and talked to him yourself, I wouldn’t have to do this,” Remus snaps, looking down at Sirius.

Sirius’ expression flickers from annoyance into his self-righteous pout within a fraction of a second. “If he hadn’t been a bloody bastard, I would still be talking to him.”

Remus sighs and gives up.

When he walks out their dorm he looks back one last time, meeting Sirius eyes and pulling his best solemnly concerned face. “I’ll talk to James, and then you two _will_ talk. Please don’t be difficult about it. I just want to fix this.”

That seems to touch Sirius somewhere, because although he frowns, he nods too. Remus quirks a quick smile at him and mouths _thank you_ before leaving to verbally kick James back into orbit.

\---

 

The sun is setting, dyeing the sky in a blood red hue, which only deepens the sense of foreboding Remus is feeling. Frantic doubts cloud his mind as he marches towards the quidditch grounds. This feels like their last chance as the Marauders. Remus knows that thought is nearing Sirius-level dramatics but he can’t help but feel it anyway.

He still doesn’t quite know what to say to James. The word ‘lecture’ is a vague and general term that answers nothing in terms of the nuance needed in order to solve this mess. What if he can’t get James to talk to him? What if James has already given up on them, chosen an seemingly easy relationship over dealing with his slowly adjusting friends? What if Remus comes back empty handed and Sirius will blame him for ruining their last chance and leave him too?

Remus shakes himself out of that ridiculous thought spiral. Thinking in terms of what if’s won’t help him. He just has to confront James, prompt him to reflect, and hope for the best. He can’t do more than that. He can’t change anyone’s behaviour, despite fervently trying in the past.

Even though there isn’t much light left, Remus recognizes James from afar. He calls out, and jogs towards him. James turns at the sound, and for the grace of Merlin, stays put.

“I want to talk to you,” Remus rushes through elevated breaths when he reaches James. James grimaces and slightly turns away, as if trying to slip away would help him out now. Remus isn’t letting this go.

“I… Lily–” James mumbles, but at Remus’ expression he quiets and his shoulders slump down as if he’s suddenly carrying a dozen bludgers. “We could sit down at the bench?”

Remus nods and they walk back to the quidditch grounds in silence. James is dragging his bag behind him and holds the general aura of someone who is going to his own funeral.

Remus coughs awkwardly to get James’ attention. “I’m not here to attack you, I just want to talk.”

James snorts. “You’re here to lecture me.”

“If necessary,” Remus agrees.

They reach the bench and sit down, looking out to everything but each other. The sunset is aesthetically pleasing, but Remus can’t focus on anything except James’ presence next to him and the bloody what if’s still tormenting his mind.

Eventually, James leans back and turns to Remus with a half smile, which makes him a little more hopeful.

“Lectures are worse than punches,” James says seriously, but with a teasing undertone.

Remus smiles despite himself. “Sirius said the same thing.”

And that was exactly the wrong thing to say, because James’ face falls and he tenses. He doesn’t turn away, but he stares off into the distance, his hands fiddling in his lap. “Yeah, Sirius.”

Remus has no clue what to do, or what to say. So he keeps his mouth shut.

None of the previous anger that drove him here has remained, and he can’t go on a rant without the rage. Now, sitting next to James after an admittedly long time, possibly the longest in the course of their friendship, Remus realises how much he’s missed this. How much he’s missed James. To him, it was almost automatic to follow Sirius when he pulled away from James. He never consciously decided it, but it’s what had happened. He never really went out to hang out with James on his own. He didn’t avoid him exactly, but he did not take appropriate action either. Maybe he’s not here to lecture. Maybe he should be here to apologize.

When Remus nearly has gathered up enough courage to do so, James clears his throat.

“I don’t know what Sirius told you about our fight…”

“–Nothing much,” Remus fills in.

“Oh, okay. Well, anyway. We fought about Lily, and my absence in the group.” James trails off. Remus hums to show that he’s listening and to prompt him to continue.

“We both said stupid shit, in the end. But what stuck with me were Sirius’ parting words.” James takes a deep breath, and Remus feels like there are a multitude of spiders crawling over his skin. He can guess where this is going.

“Sirius said he wished that Lily never had fallen in love with me, and that I would kept on pining like the stupid perverted idiot I used to be. That I single handedly ruined the Marauders and our friendship by being selfish and uncaring and always getting my way in the end. That Sirius should have known better to be friends with me because I would abandon him eventually.”

Remus can’t do anything more than drop his head in his hands and sigh deeply at that.

James chuckles bitterly at his reaction and continues, “After that he told me he’s quitting training.”

“That’s why he came back so haunted after the last one,” Remus mumbles, puzzle pieces falling into place.

“I cannot believe he didn’t tell you guys any of this. I thought that was why you and Peter were avoiding me, too. I thought you were all angry at me.”

“Merlin, we made a mess of this,” Remus sighs, rubbing his fingers to his temple. “We were angry at you– or no... we’re hurt, maybe disappointed. But not because of anything Sirius said. We just thought you were done with us, that the Marauders were done for you. That you had had enough and moved on with your life. And personally, I didn’t want to intrude upon your time with Lily at first, because I know how much you wanted this, for so long. I can’t imagine how it would be to finally have it.” Remus stops himself there, and then sighs again. “I came here thinking that I would need to remind you that you have a life outside of your relationship. Peter is in need of his mother hen. I swear, I don’t know how you keep up with his antics. And Sirius is eating himself up over missing you.”

It’s quiet for a tense second but then James gently bumps his shoulder against Remus. Remus leans against the weight.

“And you?” James asks finally, softly, as if he doesn’t want to break the relatively comfortable silence they created sitting next to each other.

“I miss you, a lot. I miss us, I miss the Marauders. I miss the balance,” Remus says honestly, and suddenly it feels like he’s been released from a curse, the heavy pressure in his chest gone, making him feel dizzy. “I’m sorry I didn’t go to you earlier. I’m sorry for avoiding you. I didn’t mean too, but I’m sorry anyway. I... just thought it wouldn’t be welcomed.”

James throws an arm around Remus, a warm and grounding weight – and slightly sweaty smell – around his shoulders. Merlin, he has missed James. “It’s welcomed, Remus. It really is.”

They watch the sunset together and Remus stops worrying for the first time in a month. They will get through this. Remus is sure of it. The Marauders are anything but void, anything but ruined.

So Remus says, “We’ll fix this, we’ll get through this.” And receives a comforting squeeze in his shoulder for his conviction.

“Yeah, we will.”

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get worse before they get better. That's just how it is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stepping into a new fandom was nerve wracking but so worth it for the warm welcome I got! I cannot believe I got a positive response like this and I'm so happy :) 
> 
> I really hope this chapter realises the expectations the first chapter caused. More is coming up! 
> 
> Thank you so much for welcoming me. I can say without a doubt that I'll stick around for this fic and new ones. The Marauders are definitely characters I want to write more of, and I hope you all will join me for that journey. 
> 
> (A very light warning for past abuse being implied in this chapter.)

 

Remus likes for things to make sense.

He likes to be able to think them through in his mind's eye, review all elements of a problem and then see how every piece falls together to form the intended solution. This takes a lot of thinking. His silence is anything but passive.

Despite trying to make sense of everything and anything in his life, Remus had to accept from a young age that sometimes things just happen and have no logical cause, or anything close to a solution. Ever.

One of the rules Remus lives by is that, in every situation, things get worse before they get better. He knows this, and believes this, because he’s experienced it for so many times that he would be naïve not to accept it.

Remus still doesn’t like pine trees. Forests are okay – although it took years before he dared to step into one again – but pine trees, a forest full of pine trees, makes him feel queasy, itchy and all other uncomfortable feelings that a human (or a werewolf) can experience. He got lost in a pine tree forest when he was seven. He can remember it distinctly; the moment he realised that he didn’t know where he was, that he didn’t know how to go back. Remus had leaned against a pine tree, silently sobbing as he watched the sun go down. He had thought that it couldn’t get worse than this, that his was the scariest situation he’d ever been in. He missed Mummy. He wanted to go home. He fell asleep against the tree trunk, cold and alone.

Remus only remembers a howl, a scream and so much pain, so much blood, dark magic in his veins; burning him, turning him.

The next day, Remus was lost and a werewolf, a monster. It got worse. It always does.

Daddy blamed Mummy. Mummy blamed Daddy. Daddy was disgusted and afraid. Mummy was hopeless. Daddy was angry, so angry. Always angry. Remus was more afraid of Daddy than of the monster in his chest, and he was very afraid of the monster in his chest.

After the eleventh moon, Daddy was gone. After the eleventh moon, Mummy got the light in her eyes back. It got better.

This is a pattern Remus expects to happen.

 

So as James and Remus walk to the Gryffindor tower, talking and laughing about anything and nothing, both still riding on their wave of mutual relief, of hope. Everything seems to go in the right direction. But something, a tiny kernel in the back of Remus’ mind, is preparing for it. Preparing for everything to turn worse.

They laugh around the password when they reach the Fat Lady – it’s “blubber” now, something Dumbledore says at least once a week – and get inside the living room. They stumble, giggling together, until a cough makes them look up. There are only a few people around, most of them playing exploding snap or wizard’s chess until it’s time to go to bed.

The only person doing nothing, is sitting on the sofa before the fire.

“I see you two are having fun,” Sirius sneers, rising from where he sat, apparently waiting up for them.

Remus feels like he’s been hit with a freezing charm, a pang of ice cold panic from his heart spreading out to the rest of his body. Because Sirius is looking at him, eyes ablaze. He looks angry. He looks betrayed. That, more than anything, is what makes Remus lose track of his breathing.

James steps in front of Remus protectively, keeping his hand on Remus’ arm and Remus winces, because James might have just made it worse.

Sirius switches his focus from Remus to James, and his face turns tight and hateful. “What did you say to him? What did you tell him?”

“I told him about our fight, about what you said,” James replies, straightening his back. This is not going well. Remus has to do something.

So he steps forward, pushing the two away from each other, his hands on either of their chests. “Calm, the fuck, down!” Remus bites out, louder than he intended. But it works; James and Sirius take a step back in reflex, both looking at Remus in slight shock and wonder. He doesn’t yell, normally, so it’s enough to pull them out of their own heads.

Remus pulls his hands away. “Thank you, now please, we’ll have to talk-” But before Remus can finish his sentence, Sirius storms off, snapping at the Fat Lady to open up.

He doesn’t come back that night.

And Remus has a nightmare, about being in the forest, as a child, looking for his dog in the dark. He’s lost him, he’s lost Padfoot, and he doesn’t know how to go home.

\---

Remus wakes up disorientated and nauseous. It’s still a week before the full moon returns, but Remus’ body has the tendency to react to stress anyway – a side effect from having a protective werewolf as your other-side. Tense muscles, nausea and flares of pain are a companion of stressful times, and stressful times these surely are.

So Remus searches in his drawer for some chocolate to tame the bloody canine and to cheer himself up. In the latter he doesn’t succeed much; the chocolate is tasteless in his mouth and when he turns, he sees that Sirius’ bed is empty still, only the shirt he wore yesterday is dumped on the mattress. So Sirius sneaked in here to change, and then sneaked out again, probably as Padfoot.

Sirius came back and went away again. Remus sighs and ignores the sting of panic in his heart. He’s going to fix this, he has too.

Someone groans, coming from the general direction of Peter’s bed. Remus twists, and sees Peter’s beedy eyes blinking blearily from under his blanket.

“Good morning,” Remus says, slipping out of his bed and trying to find his blue shirt; it feels like a blue day today.

Peter sits up in his bed and stretches. “He’s still gone?”

Remus drops to the ground to search under his bed, but his shirt is not to be found. Black is a nice substitute… Or maybe not. “Yes, he’s gone. He came back though, in the night,” Remus replies as he rises from the ground.

But Peter isn’t listening anymore, greeting James a good morning with a cheery air, trying and failing to sound casual. James chuckles low and greets him back, the both of them smiling at each other.

Remus smiles too; yesterday was a disaster, partly. The end was a literal nightmare for Remus, but at least something stayed from the happy beginning. Something has shifted, and Peter and James now have a chance to have their dynamic back. The problem between them was miscommunication and assumptions, something relatively easy to solve when both parties are eager to fix it.

Remus himself is drifting; Sirius is gone but not only that, Sirius is _wrong_. Remus would love to just apologize and be done with it, but Sirius’ anger is a misplaced fear that needs to be resolved. James is not leaving them, but times are changing and Sirius needs to accept that. He’s not the only one in James’ life anymore, but that doesn’t mean their friendship is entirely lost.

Sirius is a man of extremes, nuances are something he doesn't think of himself. Remus used to be his filter, but now he’s a target of Sirius’ blind anger too. It will be difficult to get him to listen, but Remus is not giving up on him.

James and Peter are hugging each other so Remus nods to himself, almost feeling the need to check off _Planet 1 back in orbit_ in a notebook he doesn’t even have.

It’s ironic that the new lost idiot is the same one that complained high and low about the absence of the other. But that is where the betrayal comes in; Sirius feels like he’s being replaced, something that would be impossible even if Remus tried.

Sirius is irreplaceable, and Remus has to find a way to make him believe that.

\---

Breakfast is weird.

James had spent the last three weeks dining with Lily. So Remus is used to having Sirius warm at his side and Peter across from him, one eating demurely and the other enthusiastically. Now, after a quick word with Lily, James slides in next to Peter and asks for the sausages, because he always starts with sausages. Peter’s smile is so wide Remus is afraid his face will break.

Remus picks at his toast; eating feels like a chore, not something he wants to do. He listens lazily to James and Peter’s shenanigans. They’re already planning a stink bomb prank in the Slytherin bathrooms. In the time of James’ absence, no one had felt like pranking anyone, so they want to make up for lost time.

Something about that makes Remus clench his fists. They’re acting like the Marauders are back, are complete, while they are anything but. Maybe Sirius _is_ being replaced. But that wouldn’t be a problem if they click back into normality again; James and Peter are always like this when Sirius isn’t around. When Sirius is back, and James stays, everything will fall into place again.

When Sirius knows Remus is not kicking him out, he will listen to him and talk with James and when that fight is fixed, Remus can finally relax again.

After what feels like ages, Sirius walks into the Great Hall, but instead of sitting down next to Remus, he sits at the end of the table. When Remus meets his eyes, he looks away quickly, digging in his mash with aggressive bites. The avoidance was predictable but it hurts, it really does, and Remus wants to be rid of it. It’s cold next to him.

Remus tries to stand up, but James lays a hand on his arm to stop him. Remus has to repress the urge to yank his hand away, instead, he raises an eyebrow at James.

“I’m sorry, but, that won’t work. I know you’re not used to him being angry at you, but confronting him with so many people around never works.”

Remus frowns but stays, looking at Sirius, but Sirius doesn’t look up again. “The longer I wait, the more he’s going to think… whatever he thinks.”

James sighs and pats his arm in comfort. “I know, but you need to wait for a calmer time and place. Trust me.”

Remus does, but Remus also thinks that the way Sirius and James fight out their conflicts is not the way he wants to work this out. Although, looking for a place where no one is around may ease them both.

Remus doesn’t know what he will say to Sirius. The only thing he knows is that he was more honest and open with James than he intended to be. If that happens with Sirius too… Remus shakes his head; he’ll have to deal with it then. The situation now, is worse than anything that could happen if Sirius ever finds out. He’d at least know that he’s the one person Remus can’t live without, which would make replacing him very impossible, even Sirius would have to see that.

But, hopefully, just talking will be enough and Remus doesn’t have to confess anything, keeping his age old secret in the dark caves of his heart, where it belongs.

Remus finishes his breakfast, glancing at Sirius every few seconds. The distance is what bothers him the most, he muses. Sirius has his moods, Remus knows those, but he spends them near, not far away. Remus regrets complaining about Sirius’ tactility, even in the confines of his own head. Because now he misses it, and it’s not even been 24 hours without.

The Friday schedule has an hour gap after lunch; he will find Sirius and talk, cross the distance, get him back. The decision makes him calmer than he was, so he can join in the conversation with James and Peter, enjoy the morning a little before the lessons start. With a little guilt in his gut, he helps them brainstorm the prank, laughing at Peter’s ridiculous but surprisingly effective ideas. It would involve cross-dressing a rat, but they’ve done weirder things before.

It’s a nice summer day. Only a few lessons left before the start of a lazy weekend that everyone is eager for. The excitement is palatable in the air.

Remus smiles at James’ impression of Snape finding the stink bombs, and ignores the heavy feeling that hits him when he looks to the end of the table again, where Sirius has disappeared.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you liked this continuation! I've never written something as I'm posting it, so this is very new to me, but I love new things :D
> 
> Thank you amarulasmile, Kassel, and Brookbond for beta'ing/proofreading! 
> 
> The next chapter is in the works, I can't say a specific time because I don't want to jinx it, but it should be soon!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When canine problems turn into feline disasters.

 

There are rules in the Marauders.

They need them to make some sense in the chaos, living together for years takes a slight collaboration effort. Disobeying the rules is punished by a midnight swim with the Giant Squid. Mostly harmless, very sticky. Not a pleasant experience, they can all attest to that.

You have the usual rules: no ratting each other out to teachers; a sock on the door means privacy is not to be impeded; food is asked for, not stolen; etcetera.

One of the most important rules is also the one violated the most. The rule is as follows: No one, not ever, can call Sirius something feline related.

He takes his identity as Padfoot seriously, calling him his natural nemesis is declared sacrilege, a betrayal of the highest order. Remus is the only one of their trio that has not crossed this line. Remus takes his own identity also very seriously; the only responsible one in the group. For responsibility, one needs to follow the rules, always, or at least give the impression one does. And maybe as a fellow part-canine, Remus can relate to some degree.

But, after trying to talk to Sirius for more than a - long and torturous - day, Remus is frustrated enough to at least _think_ it.

Sirius is like a cat.

Skittish, elusive, and sharpening it’s proverbial claws. Remus can almost hear him hissing if he gets close enough, if it was possible to get close enough.

Friday was a game of hide and seek. Sirius skipped half of his lessons - Peter dutifully reported him as sick as a dog, with James trying not to laugh during his effusive description of Sirius’ non-existent barf. For those he _was_ there, he was almost invisible: sitting in the back, on the far end of where Remus was sitting. Never saying a thing, just observing the lesson with disinterest. It was the opposite of Normal Sirius in class. Normal Sirius can’t keep his mouth shut. Normal Sirius would keep himself distracted by throwing paper planes in Remus’ hair.

Remus is so desperate to have Normal Sirius back, that he misses _paper planes_ in his _hair._

Periodically, Remus would feel a tingle in the back of his neck, but turning his head would only result in seeing Sirius staring out of the window, probably looking for a bird to catch.

After lunch, Sirius was nowhere to be found and the bastard had taken the map with him so Remus had no way to find out other than guessing. He tried their various hideouts and secret halls, he even went to look in the Shrieking Shack. But Sirius wasn’t there. The moment Remus thought to check their dorm room, it was already time to go to Wizarding History. Sirius skipped that class too.

Dinner made it even worse. Lily joined them for the first time, not to say she was to blame. She was nice and funny and it was lovely to see James so happy. It was the fact that when Sirius walked inside the Great Hall and saw their assembly, – James and Lily next to each other, Peter had switched places and sat now in Sirius’ spot – his face turned white as a sheet and ran away. Remus tried to stand up, and again James put his hand on his arm, and again Remus took the excuse and stayed put.

Remus didn’t feel like eating anymore; what if’s plaguing his mind yet again. So with the concerned looks from James and Lily following him, he left the table. Minutes later, he fell into his bed, curled up on his side, and did not cry. Just stared at Sirius’ empty bed until he fell asleep.

\---

Remus wakes up when it’s still dark, and at first he doesn’t realise the enormity of what he sees. Sirius is sleeping in his own bed, buried deep in his blankets. If Remus squints he can see a slight frown on his slack face. It takes a while for all the details of the last couple of days to come back, and when they do, Remus thinks all cat related insults he’s come up with at that frowning face.

According to James, the avoiding is how Sirius copes with fighting, and Remus is apparently fighting with Sirius. “Give him a few days,” he had said when Remus couldn’t find him after lunch, “Give him some time, and then he will come back to you.”

Remus’ heart clenches at the thought; the last day had felt like years to Remus, a few days living with this fight hanging over his head sounds like torture. But, his inability to live with conflict is not Sirius’ fault. If he needs time, Remus will give him that. He can do that for Sirius.

So he does not get out of bed and force Sirius awake so they can talk it out. He just curls up again, staring at Sirius, and falls asleep in seconds.

Remus wakes up again, now in the morning. Peter and James are already up, and Sirius’ bed is predictably empty.

“–think he’s playing Quidditch today?” Peter asks James, who is frantically searching for something.

“Yes, he would never skip a game against Slytherin– Moony, you’re awake! Have you any idea where my gloves are?”

Remus yawns and points to the heap of clothes in front of James’ bed. “They are under your grey trousers.”

James dives in the mountain of clothes and makes an victorious sound when he unearths his gloves from the pile. “Thank you Moony, you’re the best.”

Remus hums distractedly, his attention pulled towards the empty bed again.

“Hey, Moony, are you okay?” Remus looks up and jumps a bit when he sees James is sitting on the edge of his bed. He’d been so deep in his thoughts that he didn’t even hear him sit down.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine,” Remus says, avoiding eye contact and grimacing. He’s not good at lying this early in the morning.

“After the game, we’ll talk yeah? I know this is difficult for you,” James says, reaching out and squeezing his shoulder.

“I could run down and get some breakfast for you?” Peter pipes up.

Remus smiles and finally looks at the two of them. They look concerned, but smile back when he does. “No, I’ll join you. I’ll watch the game too. It’s been a while.”

James and Peter cheer dramatically, celebrating like they’ve won the game already. It’s true that Remus doesn’t watch Quidditch very often. He watches the trainings more than the games. All the people, noise and the tension exhaust him on his best days and destroy him on his worst. But now, the chaos might provide a good distraction. And he can see Sirius again, albeit from a distance.

“Stop fooling around, go dress if you want to eat breakfast.”

“Aye, sir, Moony, sir!” James and Peter chorus before scurrying off to the bathrooms.

Remus lets himself fall back into his mattress and closes his eyes for a few seconds. It will only be a few days, a few days without Sirius. They are not losing their friendship. It’s going to be okay. Remus repeats it in his head until he almost starts to believe it.

\---

Retrospectively, Gryffindors losing to the Slytherins is the best thing that could have happened. But at the moment, it feels like another step into the direction of worse situations instead of solutions.

The previously enthusiastic Gryffindor support had taken on a mournful tone, the students filing out of the stands in a subdued state. The Cup is not entirely out of reach, yet, but things are getting very risky. Ravenclaw would have to lose to Hufflepuff and win to Slytherin and Gryffindor would have to win all future games with a high point difference. That low probability, combined with the pride that has been diminished by the loss of today, means that no Gryffindor is going to party this summery weekend away.

Remus, Lily, and Peter stay in the Gryffindor stands and wait on James to join them after he’s showered. The tribune is littered with trash and trampled confetti which Remus thinks is an appropriate visual representation of the general mood. For Remus, the Gryffindor loss isn’t that much of a personal blow to him, except for the indirect consequences; having to deal with three depressive teenagers for one day, and three warriors on a quest for vengeance the next. Or two, maybe, now. Because Sirius walked away from the field cursing and didn’t come back.

Remus and Lily chat about this week’s Potions lessons, where a Hufflepuff had blown up his Cure for Boils, something that should have been impossible when you consider the ingredients. They are in deep debate if an incorrect amount of porcupine quills could have been the cause for the explosive interruption of the class, when James slides in between Remus and Lily with his shoulders hunched.

“Sorry for your loss, Prongs,” Remus says.

“Sorry for you, James,” Lily says, wrapping her hand around his.

Peter stands up and starts pacing. “We need to start planning our response James. I think that our plan for the stink bombs might be a perfect way to take our revenge. You saw what their cheating chaser did. They need to pay for this!”

James laughs and leans against Lily in a way that makes Remus smile. “Yeah, sounds good. You should ask Sirius for his bombs, he has a bunch left from the Great Hall Prank.”

“I don’t know if Sirius wants to have anything to do with us, though,” Peter argues. Remus tries not to panic at that.

Lily rises from where she sat and pats James’ hand, but is looking at Remus when she says, “he’ll come around, a stink bomb prank is something Sirius can’t resist, from what I’ve heard.”

She waits until Remus nods in response and then turns her attention towards James, who’s smiling up at her like she just promised to give him early christmas presents. “I have to go and check up on Rose and Maggie, you know how they get after a lost game. I’ll see you later, Mr Potter.”

“When the sun sets, I’ll meet you in the rose gardens. A night of delight. My dear Miss Evans,” James replies seriously, tugging her in for a kiss - one she allows with a long suffering sigh - before she leaves.

Peter is miming puking behind James, Remus rolls his eyes at him; it’s nice to see James like this, sappiness and all. Those years of reciting poetry at the group did go somewhere, although it did not improve his skill very much. James is happy, in love, and in a relationship that seemed impossible months ago. If Lily and James got together despite all the odds, surely reconciling with Sirius should be realistic too, right?

“If Her Majesty is leaving, I’ll be going too,” Peter announces. “Charms tutoring, a true hell on Earth, but one must.” He bows when Lily walks past him, then bows even lower to Remus and James.

“Best of luck, Comrade!” James calls after him as he descends the tribune stairs, then he throws his arm around Remus again and Remus gets a sense of deja vu: a stressful situation, a friendship in shambles, some apocalyptic worry sprinkled in. Only now, Sirius is the one who got away, literally, and James is the one who’s staying.

“Hey,” James starts, “I know you’re worried, and I know that whatever I’ll say, it won’t stop you from being worried because you’re Moony. But, I want you to know that you’re not losing him. I know this behaviour and this is just him being an asshole. An asshole that needs to work through his anger before he can listen to people. And that sucks, but it is how it is.”

“James, you two are still fighting after almost a month. This could be the same, me and Sirius.” Remus can’t even fathom he’s fighting with Sirius, let alone for a whole month. He doesn’t work like this, _they_ don’t work like this. If they have a problem with each other they talk it out deep in the night, whispers in the dark that have the cover of night to protect them from their own vulnerability.

Remus had almost expected to have Sirius come to him the night before, to find him in his bed when he woke up in the night. But Sirius didn’t, because whatever is happening between them now is different from all the conflicts they’ve had in the past. Remus doesn’t know how to deal with this, he doesn’t know how to deal with Sirius’ persistent absence.

Suddenly he feels a deep sympathy for Peter, for getting through this month without James around. He had felt lost too, afraid to lose a friendship that was important to him. Remus had missed James, yes, but that’s nothing compared to how he feels about this. Remus imagines eating eleven chocolate frogs to drown his sorrow and chuckles bitterly to himself when he realises that it sounds like a very good idea to him now.

James pulls his arm away, wringing his hands in his lap, the movement shakes Remus out of his thoughts.

“That’s different, me and Sirius,” James says and sighs, looking out over the Quidditch field with a sombre expression.

“How so?” Remus asks. If James and Sirius can break away from each other, Remus and Sirius don’t stand a chance. The solidity of James’ and Sirius’ friendship is something Remus never questioned in his life, up until this point.

“Sirius and me, we used to be easy,” James begins after a deep breath. “We’ve fought before, but that was over stupid things, things we could fix the moment we got our ego’s in check and our heads out of our asses. It never had permanent consequences. But now, it feels like something poisoned it. We’re strained. I can’t mention Lily or he goes off on a rant again. Whatever he says about me not being there, I take too personally. It’s like walking on eggshells _while_ juggling poisonous snakes.

“We used to be so comfortable and could talk endlessly, but now we’re stuck. I didn’t know how to get us out of it, and Sirius got angrier and blames Lily for the whole thing. But I think it’s just us. With or without Lily, this would have happened anyway, given time. Lily just gave me an other place to go to, another reason to avoid him instead of trying to solve it.”

James and Sirius are growing away from each other, their friendship is not fractured because of Lily, but it’s fractured because _they are._ Remus had not seen this coming. But maybe he should have. Maybe he should have seen them less as an idealistic representation of friendship and more as two individual people who have ups and downs. If he had, he might have seen their problem before it got to this point.

“If Lily isn’t the problem, what is?” Remus asks eventually.

“I don’t know.”

“James.”

James sighs. “He’s stopped telling me things, he doesn’t confide in me anymore. Not the things that matter.”

“His family?”

“Yes, but more than that,” James says, and then rakes his hand through his curls, what he always does when he’s ashamed of something. “I used to be jealous, you know, of you and him.”

“ _What?_ ”

In what world could James Potter be jealous of anything related to Remus Lupin? Remus feels like he’s stepped into another universe.

“The strain between us happened gradually, before I dated Lily. Months ago, maybe even more than a year. And you and him, you two have now that easy comfortable relationship I used to have with Sirius,” James confesses, looking at Remus with a slight grimace on his face.

Remus is even more confused than he was a second ago, and he was very confused a second ago. “He doesn’t tell me anything?”

“Doesn’t he?” James smiles gently. “He never literally tells anyone, but you can still hear what he’s saying if you listen.”

Sirius tells things by not telling them.

Remus thinks back on the months, even years before James went away. He reflects on every time Sirius calmed down after Remus put an hand on his shoulder, preventing him from wreaking havoc on Snape or one of his minions.

Every time Sirius came to him just to sit by the fire and talk about nothing after Sirius’ mother sent another scolding letter Remus wished Sirius wouldn’t read, he always did.

_As they sit there, Sirius always pulls out the letter from his pocket, he always lets Remus read it, as if having someone else know the words would lessen the power they still hold over him. And always, when Remus finished reading and has to count his breathing to tame his rage, Sirius looks at him so intensely as Remus throws the bloody letter in the fire._

Every time Sirius slipped into bed with him after a rough change, so gentle to not touch Remus’ fresh bruises and cuts. But always there, comfort in the darkest of times.

Every time Sirius was near him, around him, even before James absence became apparent.

How had he never noticed this before?

Sirius is as much a moon in his orbit as Remus is in his.

Remus takes a deep breath and shakes his head. “I didn’t listen. I didn’t know.”

“What didn’t you know?” James asks.

“That I was important,” Remus whispers reverently. “I thought… –I thought I was always the second choice, for him, to go to. I accepted that. I was okay with that. I didn’t know I wasn’t for all this time. Merlin. I’m sorry?”

James laughs and shakes his head. “You’ve nothing to be sorry for. I’m glad, that Sirius has someone he feels comfortable to share that stuff. Sometimes I wish that was still me, but now I know that whatever we had was more around fun and feeling alive, than about care and comfort. Sirius needs both, and I’m glad he has someone. I’m glad he has you.”

“Yeah, he has me. More than he knows.”

James looks at Remus curiously, but then shakes his head. “So you see? You and Sirius are fine. I know for a fact that Sirius will get his head sorted and it will all be resolved. Yeah?”

“It hurts, not having him here. And with the full moon coming up… I’m just worried. But I’ll give him time. He deserves that,” Remus says without intending to say any of it. James has the annoying tendency to pull out his worries out of him, without literally forcing him to talk. It’s just the feeling of trust he creates sometimes. It makes him a good friend. Remus is glad to have him back. “And James? I believe in you and Sirius, too. Sirius misses you, a lot. He’s too full of himself to say so, but he does.”

“I just hope we’ll get back to what we were,” James shrugs, wringing his hands in his lap again.

Remus throws his arm over his shoulder and squeezes them together, getting a warm smile as reward. “I think you will, and I think you’ll be even better afterwards. You two will get over this, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A slightly longer chapter because I personally prefer those as a reader, let me know what you guys prefer! 
> 
> This chapter did give me some trouble, but I think it turned out well. 
> 
> I hope I can keep this three day schedule going, but because the next instalment is going to have to resolve a few big things, it might take me a little longer to write something I'm satisfied with. 
> 
> Thank you Brookebond for saving me and helping me edit this thing <3


	4. Chapter 4

For as long as he can remember, Remus has always been looking for spaces.

When he was young, his space was a small clearing a few minutes walk into the forest near his home. It was hidden by a thick cover of trees and bushes; there was a small creek running through the middle. When everything was too overwhelming for Remus, he sat there. Listened to the birds on the branches, watched the squirrels scurrying around, spotted a kneasel or two. Even as a child, as young as five, Remus needed a space for his thoughts, away from people, somewhere to breathe.

After the incident in the dark forest’s night, Remus was not allowed to leave his room. When he tried to escape, he could not force himself in the forest, even though he wanted to go to his calm space _so badly_.

After the incident, animals became afraid of him. Where he walked, silence fell. Birds stopped singing and flew away. They could sense the threat, the monster in his chest.

But he still needed a space, and after Dad left, he was allowed to leave the house. His new space became the local library. An archive of information and education. A place where people go to learn together in silence, voluntarily adhering to the rules of quietude because they want the same thing. Before, Remus had been interested in nature, in hiking, in animals; he wanted to be a magical zoologist when he grew up. But that destiny became cursed the moment those teeth breached his skin.

Books became his new love, his new breathing place. The library became his sanctuary.

He doesn’t miss home – Hogwarts is his home – but he does miss his library. Hogwarts’ library is busier than his own, it is filled with desperate students and has been home to quite a few mental breakdowns.

The library is best on times like these; the finals are weeks off yet, and everyone is outside chasing the sun’s warm rays. So, it’s quiet. Very few people chose to spend their time accompanying rows and rows of books when it’s not absolutely necessary.

Remus walks into the library and he can almost feel his heart rate slow, his breathing calm, his frantic thoughts recede. He’s felt unbalanced for days now, but here he feels more whole, more at ease.

The sun shines through the great windows, bathing the floorboards and the empty tables in a lovely light – one does not need to be outside to enjoy the sun’s graces – or rather, empty tables spare one. Lily is sitting at their regular study table, and smiles in greeting when he walks towards his usual seat. The one next to the window with a view of the lake and enough table space to accommodate Remus’ inability to use one book at the time.

“You owe me a Galleon,” Lily says as Remus sits down, not looking up from her studies. Advanced Potion assignments, by the looks of it.

Remus pulls out his own books before questioning her curious conversation starter. He’s planning to finish his Potion assignment and Transfiguration assignments today. The due date is not for a week or so, but as Remus is incapacitated for the next weekend, he has no choice but to finish his work early. Sometimes Remus wonders if his reputation as being a tedious worker of his studies is solely a result from being a werewolf. He has monthly deadlines, a scheduled few days of recovery he plans his entire life around. Being late with assignments every month is not good for one’s school career, so Remus decided to go with a preventive strategy.

“Why do I owe you a Galleon?”

Studying is also how he got to know Lily over the years. They are both the Sunday-Morning-Scholars of their respective friend groups, which resulted in a history of studying together. Remus wouldn’t call her a friend because he holds the word ‘friend’ to a standard equal to the word ‘Marauder’, which might be an unfair way to categorize the people he gets on with. At the moment, Remus wouldn’t be surprised to learn that they’ve been friends all along. Of course, he only realises that after the solidity of the Marauders is compromised. Belated realisations seem to be the pattern of this week.

Lily pushes a small old book towards him, paper flaking on the edges and creased, spine cracked and fragile. Remus hands it carefully and opens the little book at the bookmark Lily presumably put in it.

“Detailed uses of Porcupine Quills in magical concoctions,” Remus reads out loud before glancing at Lily with a raised eyebrow.

“Second page, left corner down,” Lily says without looking at him.

_When porcupines are put under stress, they expand their quills in a threatening manner, to protect themselves and to scare away predators. This explosive nature translates in the effects of the quills in some circumstances. Under a severe amount of heat, porcupine quills can combust and explode. Be warned before use in fire magic._

When Remus looks up from the book, Lily has unearthed herself from her own work and is watching him with a smug smile. “I was right. It was the Porcupine Quills that caused the spontaneous combustion of the Cure For Boils. I talked to the Hufflepuff, and he confessed to forgetting the Quills in the first phase of the brewing and, in a panic, threw in five instead of two quills in phase three. As we know, in phase three, the heat is at it’s highest. The heat combined with the high dose of Quills, resulted in the explosion. Slughorn agrees with my assessment.”

Remus snorts and gives her the book back carefully. “Slughorn agrees with you on everything.”

“Yes, I know. Which I found that book as a source so you could draw your own conclusions. So Remus, do you agree with my assessment?” Lily takes the book and slides it in her bag without much care.

Remus represses a wince. Lily and him differ in the way they think books should be handled. Lily thinks they should be used, not worshipped, and Remus just thinks being respectful when using books is reasonable and sees his cautious use not as something as ridiculous as worship.

It’s just... care. He cares for books.

“Yes, I do. You were right, congratulations, but I don’t remember betting a Galleon on this,” Remus says eventually, pulling his attention from her bag to Lily herself.

“You’re a Marauder, automatically agreeing with bets comes with the title.”

Remus wants to protest that characterisation but stops himself when he realises that she’s more right than wrong, historically, so he changes the subject. “Is James joining?”

Lily purses her lips, not swayed by Remus’ avoidance, but she allows the subject change with a shrug. “Don’t know. When I asked him. He replied, and I quote, “I would rather die in the loving embrace of the giant squid than spend a second in that dry and papery hellhole on a brilliant day like this.”

“So he’s not coming.”

“Oh, you know how he is, he’ll probably change his mind a few times. We might see him in an hour or so,” Lily says, smiling with a slight blush on her cheeks, complementing her fiery hair.

Remus doesn’t give himself any credit for getting Lily and James together because he never intended to do so, but reflecting upon the sequence of circumstances that let them to the eventual realisation of their relationship, the library and indirectly Remus, are a very important factor. Remus suspects that the study sessions James started joining at the start of this year, gave Lily a chance to see James as something more than his infamous reputation. They bonded over Defense Against The Dark Arts, and soon circumstances grew from the eternal one-sided pining Remus was used to, to an amusing but distracting chess game of who could stare at the other the longest without being noticed.

One day, frustrated after a study session that held more flustered glances than actual revision, Remus called it a day and left the session early. Only to hear from Sirius not ten minutes later, yelling and screaming, that Lily and James had been caught making out in the library.

A month later, Remus is in that same library, trying to work on an essay on the hardships of turning a monkey into a human, not despite the biological similarities, but because of them.

With the emphasis on trying, because in the back of his mind, the calm before the storm has broken and he fears losing Sirius again, he wants to talk to him but bloody time, time time. Remus needs a deadline, a pinpoint to focus on in order to compartmentalize his fears until that date and time. He’ll give Sirius until Tuesday, the first Quidditch training of the week, which means Sirius will be sulking around somewhere for the hour. Due to the events of this past week, Remus is fairly sure Sirius will skip that training too. It’s a window of opportunity to talk without being interrupted by anyone around them.

Once again, having made a decision gives Remus the peace he needs to focus on what must be done, and he gets a few feet of work finished before James interrupts him with another reason to be distracted.

“Hey, Remus, I just wanted to say that I’m going to talk to Sirius. You were right, a month of fighting is ridiculous and…” James pauses and glances at Lily with a quick smile before continuing. “Sirius can throw a tantrum all he wants, but this, me and Lily are not something temporary and I’m not going to ruin our friendship over fighting over something we don’t need to fight about. I need to put some effort in fixing it.”

“Oh, yeah, good. Good idea,” Remus says turning to James. “Don’t kill each other, though.”

James laughs and pats Remus’ shoulder before he leaves. “I’ll try my best.”

Remus dips his quill in his ink, trying to remember where the sentence lead to before James came along.

“Remus,” Lily says suddenly.

Remus hums distractedly, chasing the train of thought in his mind until he finds it, grabs it and puts it to paper so not to lose it again.

“Remus.” Lily says in a tone that implies she’s been repeating herself to get his attention.

Remus looks up and faces Lily. “Yeah, sorry, what?”

“I wanted to thank you,” Lily says. “He’s been better since you two talked.”

Remus frowns. “Who?”

“James. He’s missed you guys, thought you were all conspiring against him. I told him he was being paranoid, but it’s James.”

Remus sits back and sighs. “We didn’t intend to hurt him.”

Lily expression softens and she nods. “I know. Just like Sirius doesn’t intend to hurt you now. Intent doesn’t always influence the result, though.”

She gets back to work without another word, leaving Remus staring at his partly finished essay, the lines of it fading into one another, his brain thoroughly cooked with information and worry. The idea that James and Sirius could be working their way back to friendship makes him hopeful, but the fear the alternative is happening weighs heavier on his mind.

He’s always been a pessimist and reasonable worries aside, it starts to interfere with his study efforts.

So Remus stretches before packing his bag. He doesn’t have any hope for being productive, and as quoted by James, it’s too much of a brilliant day to sit here and do nothing but worry. He’ll get the book he’s been reading in his spare time from his bedside table, and try to enjoy the day by reading a few stories by the lake.

He says goodbye to Lily, who reminds him that she won’t forget the Galleon, and leaves the sanctuary of the library for another, hopefully more successful, escape.

\---

It’s not like Remus means to eavesdrop.

He never means to. It’s just that people are very loud and his ears are very sensitive so he overhears conversations people did not meant to have someone listen too. But, even without his werewolves’ hearing, Remus thinks that anyone could eavesdrop accidentally on James and Sirius because where normal people are loud, they are _deafening_.

_“Look, Sirius. I know you’re angry with me and I can deal with that, and I hope we can fix it soon because I do fucking miss you. But you can’t do this to Remus. Talk to him! The avoidance is eating him up. Fuck, Sirius, the full moon is soon. Don’t you think this isn’t very stressful for him?”_

So Remus is again overhearing things that are not meant to be overheard. He breathes silently as he sits on the bottom of the staircase. Sirius and James are having it out in their dorm room, and Remus can’t get himself to leave. Which would be the right thing to do.

They are talking about him.

He has to know if they’ll be alright.

Remus knows these are all excuses, but they work anyway. He stays put and listens.

_“Moony has Prongs, Padfoot isn’t needed.”_

Remus’ heart jumps at Sirius’ voice. He doesn’t sound angry, he sounds frustrated and something else, something Remus can’t quite name.

There are circling footsteps, someone is pacing.

_“We both know Padfoot helps Moony most, Sirius. And besides, he doesn’t need Padfoot, he needs you.”_

The pacing stops. _“How would you know?”_

_“Besides the fact that he’s been in a shape worse than the first months of year one? He told me.”_

_“What, exactly, did he tell you?”_

_“I’m not going to betray his trust, Sirius. If you think it’s something you want to know, ask him yourself.”_

Remus gets a sick feeling in his stomach. He can guess what James is implying, which means James knows. James knows, but he isn’t going to tell Sirius. Which is a relief, but still. Nobody is supposed to know.

_“I don’t want to talk to him.”_

Remus sighs and drops his head in his hands. It isn’t like that wasn’t obvious, but to hear it from his mouth. Maybe it was a mistake to stay and listen, it only hurts.

It’s silent for a minute, and Remus tries to motivate himself to stand up and go hide elsewhere. But then James speaks again.

_“You’re hurting him.”_

_“He’s fine.”_

_“No! He’s not. You’re hurting him and for what? Are you even angry at him? You’re angry at me, don’t give him that shit!”_

James is almost yelling at the end, and when he stops Sirius doesn’t respond. Remus only knows he’s still there because he can hear two people breathing in the room, only slightly, over the sound of his own heartbeat hammering in his ears.

_“You’re hurting me too, you know. I thought we could work it out, after Remus came to talk to me. But you exploded and I thought we were done. But. I miss you, I miss our friendship, and Remus believes in me, believes in us. So I came here to fix it. I’m sorry for running out on the Marauders at first. I know that friendships are equally as important as Lily, as a relationship. I got caught up in it, and I’m sorry. I’m not giving up on us. Yeah?_

There is the creaking sound of someone sitting down on a bed and a deep sigh.

_“Things are going to be a little different, but it’s not ruined. The summer break is soon, we’ll have at least two weeks together, just us, before anyone else comes around. If you want?”_

A silence.

And then.

_“I’m still allowed to come?”_

James curses.

Remus does too, silently, only a breath. This was what Sirius was thinking all this time? That he had no home to go to? Had he thought, when Remus and James came back together that night, that Remus wouldn’t take him in either? That he was officially alone?

_“Fuck, Sirius. Of course. No matter how much we fight, my home is your home. That’s how brothers work, how family works. Real family.”_

Remus sags against the railing. It’s going to be alright. They are going to be okay. It’s time for him to let them be alone together.

_“I know you don’t like change, and I’m sorry for letting you think you don’t have a place to go to this summer.”_

_“You’re going to be a mess, missing Lily.”_

_“That’s what alcohol is for.”_

_“Touché”_

Remus grabs his bag and smiles before walking out of the Gryffindor tower. He makes his way outside, and turns his head towards the sun with closed eyes. He sighs. Things aren’t over yet, but they’re better. They are getting better.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again Kassel and amarulasmile for the proofreads. 
> 
> I had to cut up this chapter into two parts, so not everything is resolved just yet. But soon! Don't worry.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The stars have aligned, and after an apparent apocalyptic collision course, they come out better than they were before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is done! 
> 
> I want to thank Kassel, Brookebond and Amarulasmile from the bottom of my heart for helping me through this, and the lovely people who commented and kudos'ed this story too. All of you made this possible. 
> 
> Yes, the last chapter is more than half of the other chapters combined but I don't think anyone really minds that, right? 
> 
> This story is finished, although some additions to the series could be possible in the far off future. Or I just start a new story with these two all over again. But first, I really need to get back to my abandoned inception and man from uncle fics. I hope I see some of you around for that! 
> 
> I hope you guys love this last instalment of this piece, because I personally adore it.

 

When he was ten, Remus had made a friend in his library. His very first friend in years.

Goldifry was a year younger than him and because of his unfortunate name, and an affinity for fried snacks as lunch, he had his fair share of social troubles at school, just like Remus.

Kids don’t like school. But they like other kids that don’t have to go to school even less.

Remus was home schooled, so he only participated with the practical school lessons his mother couldn’t provide herself. His infrequent classmates envied him and they expressed this in aggressive and exclusionary ways.

So Goldifry became his first friend in his pre-teen years, and they spent hours together in the library, enjoying everything from literature they barely understood, to history and science books about dinosaurs, wizards of times passed, and Muggle technologies.

Goldifry was a halfblood born to a Muggle mother and a Wizard father. He opened up worlds Remus had never even heard of, from friendships to space to science. Remus in his turn helped Goldifry get to know the Wizarding World. His father, although a notable Wizard, was an absent parent. In some respects, Goldifry was essentially a Muggleborn.

Remus had thought their friendship was the pinnacle of what friendships were all about. He never had a friend before but he had read about it, so he knew what it was. He had trusted Goldifry, which was why he felt very conflicted every full moon. He had to lie: say that he was sick, or that his mother was sick, or that he had been grounded. It felt wrong, lying to his friend. Remus was sure that Goldifry would accept him when he knew the truth. He was bullied as well, he would understand. But when Remus asked his mum if he could tell his friend his secret, she dropped her teacup in shock. The pieces fell off the table, breaking into even smaller shards on the ground. Hot tea spilled everywhere. It burned Remus’ hand and his mother’s arm. She yelled at Remus that he could never tell anyone. That she forbade it.

Remus ran to his room and cried until night fell. Eventually, his tears ceased and Remus kept quiet, listening to his mom roam around in the kitchen. She came upstairs, after a while, with a tray with new tea and Remus’ favourite soup. She set the tray on his desk. Remus watched as she came over, regret pulled her face tight with a sad smile.

“I’m so sorry, darling.” She touched his head gently as she sat on the edge of his bed. “I didn’t mean to be angry at you. I’m _not_ angry at you. I’m just afraid.”

“I’m sorry, mum.” Remus didn’t want his mother to be afraid. They had had enough of that to last a lifetime.

“No, it’s not your fault,” she sighed, collecting herself before continuing. “It’s just people, they don’t understand. They don’t understand you. They moment you tell them, they won’t see you as Remus anymore, as my darling boy. They will see only the monster. But you aren’t the monster, you are my son and I want to protect you.”

She looked at him so earnestly that Remus nodded. Even though deep down, he did not agree. Goldifry was different. He would see Remus as his friend, even more so because friends tell each other secrets. It’s how it worked. His mother wouldn’t have to know.

Remus took his chance three weeks later. Goldifry and him had been reading books about werewolves and Remus had tried to teach Goldifry that not every werewolf was as bad as the books said they were. That many werewolves are just normal people, with a few days off from being human every month.

Goldifry didn’t believe him. “How would you know?” he had asked, rhetorically, of course. Because to him werewolves were monsters. Awesome fantastic monsters, but monsters nonetheless.

So Remus took a deep breath, looked him in the eye and said, “because I am one.”

Goldifry laughed at first, but slowly he seemed to remember something. “You’re always gone-”

“On the full moon, yes. I’m a werewolf.” Remus shrugged, pretending like his heart wasn’t about to explode out of his chest.

He’d expected Goldifry to shrug too and continue with reading. But he didn’t, because mum was right. She’d been right all along.

Goldifry jumped up from his chair and screamed in the silence of the library, his expression was one of disgust, anger, and fear. He scrambled backwards, as if Remus was threatening to bite him, to kill him. As if he was in danger.

“You– you monster!” Goldifry yelled.

Remus could feel his eyes tear up, his stomach twisting. “I thought we were friends,” he choked out. Hoping that reminding Goldifry of their friendship would bring him back, would stop him from running, from fearing him.

“I could never be friends with a monster. You’ll never have any friends,” Goldifry spat out and ran away.

Remus could only look at his back as he left the library, tears spilling from his eyes and heaving breaths pushing themselves out of his lungs. He had been wrong, so wrong. People can’t understand him, no one can.

From that day on, Remus swore he would never let anyone else know about his deep, dark secret.

They had to move. The wizards in the village knew within the hour. Mum wasn’t angry, but she was sad and afraid. It was the worst mistake Remus had ever made.

\---

When Remus wants to learn something, he throws himself at it. Learning everything there is to know about the subject and owning it until it’s a part of him. He gets very good at the things he wants to be good at this way.

So when an eleven year old Remus decided he wanted to be good at lying, at hiding secrets and keeping people in the dark, he got good at it.

It got easy to lie and soon he wasn’t only lying about his monthly absence. He was lying about how he felt after a change. Lying about his dad and his childhood. Lying about his mom, who as sweet as she was, started to fade away, becoming a part of the background after they had moved. Remus took care of himself and wanted nothing more than to go away, far from there.

Lying about things became the norm, the only way to protect himself from people’s ignorance and fears, a way to get himself where he wanted to be.

And it had been good practice, lying whenever he wanted too, because from September 1st, he’d have to lie to an entire school full of children and teachers.

Only a few people would know. He’d change in a room through a tree especially planted for him. He’d get care from the School Medi witch who knew the secret too.

He was sorted into Gryffindor. When they claimed their beds, Remus got the one by the window by glaring at everyone who tried to get in his way. He had to keep an eye on the moon. He knew that keeping the truth away from his three new roommates would be the most difficult task. But Remus was sure he could do it. Because Remus was very good at lying.

After a two-month period of glares and avoidance, Remus’ walls slowly crumbled to the persistent and cheery attempts of his roommates into forming a friendship. The three were set on having a tight-knit group. The one with the long dark hair waxed many poetic speeches on how their quartet would be one from the ages, that their friendship would become legendary. Curls and glasses had added “Like a family,” to all the speeches, after which they would share a moment and Remus would sigh and try to read his book.

Despite Remus’ best efforts to stay secluded and alone, they wore him down, and almost half a year into his school debut, Remus suddenly had three good friends.

Maybe it was the idyllic setting that made Remus grow too comfortable, loosen his grip on the lie. Maybe it was Sirius’ inquisitive nature, his apparent distrust for that which was seemingly obvious, always looking for the real truth beneath the surface.

After eight months of building his new life at Hogwarts, everything came crumbling down around Remus.

Like the teacup, thrown to the ground in a fit of fear.

Remus could still feel the burning.

Sirius confronted him in the library.

It was late, way past over curfew, and Remus was staring through a window at the moon. It wasn’t full, but it was close, and a bone deep exhaustion tugged at Remus. The past changes had been rough, the wolf didn’t know how to handle growing pains. Puberty added another layer to his already cursed life

“I know what you are,” Sirius said from behind him, materializing as if from thin air.

Remus swallowed down his instinctual denial, smoothing out his face and taking careful, controlled breaths. He allowed one eyebrow to raise as he turned to Sirius, and a small frown to form. Slight annoyance from being interrupted, some confusion about Sirius’ inquiry, and most of all, resigned amusement ‘hidden’ under those planted emotions. Sirius would see it, and think Remus was laughing at him inside, instead of the tense anticipation he was really feeling. The fear of rejection was stark in the back of his mind. If Sirius really knew, Remus would lose him, would lose everything.

Sirius smiled, it looked cold in the thin blue moonlight. “You’re a werewolf.”

Blood rushed in Remus’ ears, his heart pounding. He did everything to keep his expression neutral, but he knew the mask was breaking. He knew he was betraying himself.

Because Sirius smiled wider, smug, proud for getting it right.

“I knew it!” Sirius exclaimed, and then quickly turned around, checking for eavesdroppers or Mrs Norris. “I knew it,” he said again, now whispering and coming closer to Remus. “The scars, the sickness, the secrecy. It all fit. I wasn’t 100% sure, but you never can be, with mysteries.”

Remus tried not to collapse or cry or scream. He followed Sirius’ pacing with wide eyes, waiting it inevitable, the anger, the fear, the running away.

But it never came.

Sirius kept on rambling, but when he looked at Remus he stopped at once, his face falling. He looked… concerned.

“Hey, don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone,” Sirius said, stumbling over the words. “I think it’s awesome, that you can hide a secret so well for so long. From _me_! No one can hide anything from me.”

Remus was still frozen to the spot, still waiting. He could not believe a word Sirius was saying. The screaming would start soon.

Sirius cursed to himself. “Hey, Remus, look at me.”

Remus forced himself to in fear of what would happen if he didn’t listen.

“It’s good that you can hide the truth,” Sirius started, wrapping his warm hands around Remus’ trembling ones. “Some people don’t deserve the truth, secrets should be hidden from them. You can do that well, be proud of that.”

Sirius leaned in closer, Remus could see his earnest blue eyes from up close, his face so serious and honest that it hurt. “I want you to know that I’m not one of those people. One of them. You don’t have to hide from me. Okay?”

Remus didn’t believe him, not yet, but he nodded anyway. The bright smile he got as response made him breathe easier, so it was worth the wordless lie.

Sirius hugged him tight, no hesitation, no disgust. “You can trust me,” Sirius murmured into his neck, “with everything. I won’t tell anyone, including James and Peter. But you can trust them too, when you’re ready to tell them yourself.”

Remus nodded again and they stayed there, in each other’s arms, for a long time. Remus felt like he was floating; something heavy had been released from his chest and had fallen off his shoulders. He buried his head in Sirius’ neck and breathed.

\---

Despite sitting in the sun and doing nothing the rest of the day, Remus still feels exhausted by the time dinner comes around.

James and Sirius are absent, most likely raiding the kitchens to catch up on some quality time together. Lily joins Remus for dinner, and they spend it casually chatting while watching Peter build a tower with his sausages because he is an actual child. Lily steals a Galleon from his purse and Remus almost falls asleep, nearly face planting in his mash. All around, an amusing evening, but Remus is glad to be in his bed once he gets there.

He doesn’t dream, or he doesn’t remember his dreams once he wakes up, but just before he resurfaces, the half-awake state he resides in feels alien and slightly dark, repressive, his blanket twisting around him.

When he fully wakes and throws the blanket off, he realises the source of his mental troubles; it’s very hot in the room.

Remus sits up and tugs his pajama shirt over his head. He tries to push away his comforter in order to go back to sleep without the choking heat, when he notices something laying at the foot of his bed.

It’s Padfoot, sleeping at his feet.

“Padfoot?”

Ears twitch up at the sound and at once Padfoot is awake. He looks up and stares at Remus, blue eyes too wise and understanding for a dog’s. He seems hesitant, not ready to jump up and leave just yet, but preparing himself to be.

Remus sighs and pats on the empty mattress next to him. “Come here, you bastard.”

Padfoot smiles as much as a dog can smile and leaps forward, transforming into Sirius mid-air and throwing himself on the mattress, smile still in place.

Remus looks down at him for a second, taking in the curling hair framing his face, the soft crinkles of his smile, the light flush on his cheeks. He’s only wearing a loose, open shirt and some trousers, his chest naked and alluring. Remus falls on his back quickly, before he does something stupid.

Sirius curls up on his side next to him, Remus feels him turn but doesn’t look. They’re not touching, but Sirius’ presence burns into Remus’ side still.

They’re quiet, and Remus doesn’t want to break this, whatever is going on now. He’s missed everything about Sirius these past few days, not excluding their comfortable silences: just sharing space together, without the pressure of conversation and activity.

This silence is not very comfortable, however. It’s tense, anticipatory, and Remus swallows down the hundred and ten questions that bubble up in his throat. He doesn’t know if he really wants to know the answers.

Sirius inches closer, his arm a breath from Remus’, and it’s the thing that makes Remus break. He takes a deep breath, and decides not to look at Sirius’ face as they talk. It might make hearing the answers less difficult.

"Can you tell me why? Why you ran? Why you avoided me?"

Sirius doesn’t answer immediately and Remus just listens to their breathing, frantically thinking through potential answers. He has his suspicions of course, the fear of being replaced, the fear of loss. But in his sleep-addled mind, the idea that Sirius avoided him because he’s grown to hate him, grown to regret their friendship, seems to make the most sense. Which is ridiculous, seeing that Sirius is literally lying in his bed right now.

"I hadn't realised. I just hadn't realised,” Sirius finally says, so quiet Remus almost can’t hear him.

"What?"

There is a huff of breath that brushes against Remus’ arm, making him shiver, before Sirius replies. "James and I are explosive, we fight and make up, it goes up and down."

Sirius is so quiet that Remus has to turn to him in order to hear him better. Sirius isn’t looking at him though, he’s watching his fingers pinching the mattress nervously.

"You though,” Sirius sighs. “You're a constant, _my_ constant. I didn't think we would ever change, I took us for granted.” Sirius glances at him quickly, an apology in his eyes, before looking away again.

“You coming back with James like that made me realize that this, us, isn't a given, that I could lose you. And that hurt, realising that hurt.”

Remus smiles at Sirius without meaning to. He doesn’t want Sirius to feel like this, of course, but it’s a relief to hear that they share the same fears. He’s just about to tell that to Sirius, when Sirius intercepts him with a sentence rushed under his breath. Remus can’t make out any of the words. “Hey, I didn’t hear you, what did you say?”

Sirius is quiet for a second, and then suddenly looks up and makes eye contact, staring into Remus’ eyes as if he’s looking for answers, a drowning man desperate for air.

“It made me realise how bloody important you are to me." Sirius holds his gaze, and Remus is the one drowning. He wants to reply, say something to– that. But he can’t, he can only watch, breathe and wait.

So Sirius blushes and looks away again, twisting his head away from Remus’ face. He looks embarrassed, and Remus wants desperately to do something about that, but he’s still too overwhelmed to move.

"So yeah, that,” Sirius chuckles bitterly. “And then I got scared. Because nothing is a constant, everyone leaves. We're not forever. So I ran, because I didn't want to deal with that."

Remus swallows and clears his throat when Sirius falls silent. Where first his mind had been overrun with questions, he’s now drawing a complete blank. All of his previous thoughts and fears throughly washed away by Sirius’ words.

"Why did you come back?" Remus asks finally, when he finds his voice and some of his brain back.

Sirius turns back to him again, his face pulled tight in determination, Remus’ heart skips a beat. "Because I missed you. Because James told me I was hurting you. Because I don't want to waste the time we have left. Because I didn't want to spend another day without you. You know, reasons."

There is a hint of a smile growing on Sirius’ face now and Remus watches it, mesmerised, trying to process the words, the bloody words. Remus is not sure if he’s dreaming or not.

He’s been silent too long and Sirius’ smile falls, leaving a vulnerable blankness Remus wants to kiss away.

No. Focus. Damnit.

"Moony? Can you please say something," Sirius whispers.

Remus clears his throat again and looks to the ceiling, needing some reprieve from the distraction that is Sirius Black right now. “Yeah, sorry, a bit overwhelmed."

Remus tries to find more to say, but the words still get stuck in his throat. He’s jealous of Sirius’ ability to just spill what he feels out of his mouth like an emotional waterfall. Remus needs to actively search for the right words in the depths of his mind, and due to recent events, his mind isn’t being very helpful right now.

"...Moony?"

Remus hums, not able to do more.

"I... can leave if I'm making you uncomfortable," Sirius starts and makes to rise and leave.

That’s what shakes Remus out of it, partly. He can’t let this slip away because he can’t find the right things to say. He reaches out and grabs Sirius’ arm to stop him from leaving. "No! No, just wait. Wait."

Sirius stops leaving, but he’s still sitting up. Looking down at his arm held tightly by Remus’ hand, back to Remus’ face.

Sod the words, Remus thinks. He needs to say something, anything, to make Sirius understand he has to stay. "The important thing, you are that, you're important too. To me, I-"

Remus sighs quietly and then just looks at Sirius, without any mask, showing what he’s trying to say wordlessly, hoping that Sirius, who says so many things without saying them, will understand him.

He does. By some miracle he does. Because Sirius looks down at him, searching and thinking and taking in every facet of Remus’ expression, until he meets his eyes and smiles broadly.

Remus huffs a sigh of relief and releases his tight hold on Sirius’ arm. Sirius, in turn, steals Remus’ hand in his and twines their fingers together. He leans over Remus, slowly telegraphing his movements. His bites his lower lip as he closes the distance, hesitant and lovely in the pale moonlight.

“Tell me if I’m reading this wrong, yeah?” he whispers, a breath against Remus’ lips.

Remus is back to being frozen again; his heart, head, and entire being pounding.

But he can manage a small nod, and Sirius kisses him.

Soft, soft lips. Warm breaths. Sirius pulls away after only a second, which awakens Remus as he rushes forwards, following Sirius and taking his mouth, twisting his hand in the long hair. The kiss turns rushed, desperate, and Sirius makes an exquisite noise when Remus bites his lower lip gently, just like he did to himself seconds before. They pull back for breath moments later, both forgetting to breathe in the excitement. Sirius leans his forehead against Remus’ as they breath and smile together, until Remus can’t do anything other than kiss that smile again and again.

“You didn’t read it wrong,” Remus breathes against Sirius lips, and Sirius hums. Remus swallows his reply with another kiss.

After a nameless amount of time, they end up cuddled up in each other’s arms. Remus is slowly discovering Sirius’ neck and collarbone with his lips, something he’s always wanted to do if he’s being entirely honest. He remembers that Sirius is planning to have a tattoo there some time in the future. Remus cannot wait until he gets it, so he can kiss that too.

When he reaches Sirius’ shoulders, his notices a familiar fabric slightly covering them.

“Sirius?” Remus murmurs against his warm skin.

Sirius groans sleepily, roused from a doze by Remus’ call. “What?”

“Why are you wearing my blue shirt? I thought I had lost it.”

Sirius hums and buries himself deeper into the mattress. Remus thinks he’s not going to get an answer, until Sirius yawns and replies with the tone of someone not fully conscious. “Because I’m a pathetic bastard who’s in love with you.”

Remus freezes and looks up at Sirius, head resting on the pillow with his eyes closed.

“Oh,” Remus says, his head spinning and suddenly smiling without any reprieve. “Oh.”

Sirius hums again and murmurs something nonsensical into the pillow.

Remus sighs and lowers himself next to Sirius, smiling even more as Sirius instinctively shifts closer to him.

“Well, I love you, too,” Remus finally says, heart in his throat but so painfully happy.

The only reply he gets is a soft snore.

\---

When Remus wakes up, his memories of the night before hit him like a tonne of bricks. But since things like that actually never happen to Remus, he’s reasonably sure that whatever happened must have been a dream.

Remus is fully convinced of this theory until he opens his eyes and sees Sirius lying on his chest with his eyes open, apparently waiting for him to wake up.

When he notices Remus’ newly conscious state, he smiles carefully. “Good morning?”

Remus smiles back. “Definitely.” He places a morning kiss on Sirius lips before he can second guess himself.

“So good I’d have to wonder if it’s not a dream,” Remus confesses as he pulls back.

Sirius laughs and Remus’ heart stops for a second so he kisses him again, because he can now, and he wants to. He’s interrupted from his mission by a pinch on his arm.

“I think it’s real. First test provided a positive result to support the hypothesis,” Sirius says mischievously and pinches him again.

Remus chuckles, trying to slap away Sirius’ pinching fingers.“Ow! Okay, it’s real, I get your point.”

“We need more–” Sirius replies, dodging him skillfully, “empirical data.”

Remus gets a hold of his hands and twists them around so that Remus is on top, pinning him down to the mattress with his hands above his head.

“–in order to prove it in a scientific manner. I’ve heard you ramble enough to know how to do research,” Sirius continues cheerily, as if being pinned down is doing nothing to him.

Something Remus has very reliable scientific ways to prove the opposite of: namely, rolling down his hips on Sirius’ which results in a moan so loud Remus has to release one of the arms to cut Sirius off with his hand.

They both listen in tense silence as Peter mumbles in the bed next to them, but by the grace of Merlin, doesn’t wake up.

Remus rolls off Sirius’ with a choked-off giggle as to avoid a repeat of that close call.

Sirius joins him, but then suddenly turns serious, in the way only he can do. “Should I leave before the others wake up?”

Remus takes a second to ponder that question, but shakes his head decisively. “I don’t want to hide this, do you?”

Sirius shakes his head too, stays quiet for a moment.

Remus is almost ready to fall back asleep again when Sirius decides to talk again.

“What’s ‘this’?”

“Everything you want it to be,” Remus murmurs.

“You know that’s not actually helpful, right?”

Remus sighs, he supposes that he’s got nothing to lose anyway. “I’d say a relationship?”

“Hmm, yes. I vote ay to the motion at hand.”

“I’m glad, now go back to sleep.”

“Will do, boyfriend.”

 

They get woken up at a slightly more reasonably time, later, by a high pitched squeal. Remus tightens his hold on Sirius instinctively and opens his eyes, only to see James and Peter standing over them. James with a expression like a kid on Christmas morning, and Peter looking like he’s just been told that chocolate frogs are actually made of grass that’s been painted brown.

“Finally! Lily owes me three Galleons. It’s before breakfast. It’s before breakfast! I knew you guys wouldn’t let me down,” James exclaims, fist pumping the air and talking way too loud for the local only-just-awake population.

Remus and Sirius groan at the noise, and Remus shields his eyes to both the light and the rampant enthusiasm so close to his face.

“Can someone tell me what's going on?” Peter pipes up, thoroughly confused.

“It’s a happy day Peter, such a happy day,” James explains unhelpfully, dancing through the dorm room.

Peter, glancing from James’ erratic dance moves to Sirius and Remus, seems to register their obvious half naked entanglement and snorts.“You two are together now?”

Remus and Sirius nod simultaneously.

Peter seems be in conflict to look disgusted or happy for them. He finally decides on thoughtful and exited: “Does that mean we can use your stink bombs, Sirius?”

Remus looks at Sirius expectedly, eyebrow raised.

Sirius frowns at the three of them. “For what?”

\---

“Why are they taking so long, my arm is cramping,” Sirius complains, holding his wand arm outstretched and supporting with his other arm, holding the magical wick up in the air to prevent it from tangling with itself.

“They’re coming through the hall now, wait on the signal,” Remus calls back from his spot by the window.

They’re outside, James and Sirius both out of sight from where the window looks into the hall the Slytherins walk through to get to their dungeon. Remus is hidden under the invisibility cloak, so they can't see them, and holds the window open with his wand, preventing the castle from healing the small hole in the glass where the wick goes through, with a temporary time stop charm.

“I still think it’s unfair that Peter is the only one who gets to see their faces,” Sirius repeats for the hundredth time this hour.

“He’s also the one in the most actual danger, Padfoot, now shush.”

James had barely finished talking when a piercing scream comes from down the hall, where the Slytherin team had walked to reach their dorms after Quidditch practice.

“A rat, there is a rat!”

“The signal,” Remus yells over the noise and jumps out of the way. “Go, now!”

Remus turns to see James light the wick and with an abundance of sparks, the fire burns through the magical rope, only just reaching the inside before the glass closes itself with a satisfying plop.

Remus quickly makes another, bigger, hole in the lower part of the glass, as James and Sirius rush forward to see the spark fly through the air until it’s racing down the Slytherin’s hall, out of sight.

There is a boom, slightly muffled by the walls it travels through, and not a second later a rat rushes through the hole in the glass Remus maintained. He releases the spell as Peter transforms back into himself again.

They run away from the window as a group, skirting around the corner where James’ and Sirius’ brooms are waiting for them –they’re dressed for their own Quidditch practice, ready to fly off and establish an alibi for themselves.

“And?” James asks Peter, when they stop running.

Peter turns to the group wide eyed, smiling broadly and slightly heaving from the sprint. “Amazing, it was amazing.”

Sirius punches the air, James laughs heartily, and Peter obviously adores his time in the spotlight. Remus is, of course, the only one that is actually concerned with finishing their plan to their fullest.

“He’ll tell you more after practice, you two need to go now to make it. Go!”

Remus passes James’ broom over, but when he wants to throw Sirius’ to the man in question, he’s suddenly interrupted with a deep and quite frankly inappropriate kiss. Remus has absolutely no complaints whatsoever.

Sirius pulls back quickly and snatches the broomstick out of his hands. “We’ll be on time, don’t worry Moony.” And then he’s up in the air, leaving Remus flushed and breathless.

Remus shakes his head in order to clear his mind and pushes the invisibility cloak in Peter’s hands. “You’ll need to shower, thoroughly, or your scent will blow our cover.”

Peter nods and slips the cloak over him.

James rises in the air too. “If that thing stinks of Stinkbom when I get it back I will personally stinkify all your clothing, Wormtail!” But Peter probably has already left, confirmed by the notable absence of rotting socks and spoiled milk in the air.

“And I’ll go study in the library because I’m a good and obedient student who never does any pranks,” Remus says to himself.

“They get it so wrong. You’re the worst of us and I love you for it,” Sirius yells down from somewhere above him.

Remus ignores him, because that’s what he does when Sirius says something that makes him blush.

James laughs. “Remus, let’s meet at the bench after training, yeah? The whole group?”

Remus smiles. “Yeah sure, I’ll pass it on to Peter and Lily. Now Go!”

“Aye sir!” They chorus, before speeding off in the soft evening sunlight.

\---

The sun has almost left the orange-dyed sky by the time James and Sirius join them on the small bench where Remus and James had talked a seemingly long time ago. Life times ago. Although Remus knows it hasn’t even been a full week.

“I knitted that rat-sized dress for nothing,” Peter mourns, laying on his back in the grass, looking up to the stars that are visible now the sunlight slowly retreats.

“I’m sure we’ll find a use for it next time,” James laughs as he joins Lily on the bench, who promptly stands up to settle on his lap.

Remus is spared from their sappy reunion by enjoying one himself. Sirius smiles brightly at him as he slides onto the bench and places an arm around Remus’ shoulders, warm at his side. Remus turns his head in a silent question for a kiss and receives a gentle nip followed promptly by a chaste brush of lips.

Remus knows he’s pouting because Sirius’ eyes crinkle in another smile. “Wouldn’t want to scandalise dear Peter, would we, love.”

“Thank you, Padfoot,” Peter exclaims, as he gives James’ leg a practiced kick; him and Lily are quite literally deep in a tongue twisting contest.

Remus gives up with a huff, and gets a kiss on his jaw for his dramatic efforts.

“Can you guys, just please, stop? What were we talking about, can’t we talk about that again?” Peter asks desperately, covering his eyes with his hands but looking through his fingers like a naughty child.

They laugh at him, but do lower the PDA levels back to a Peter-survivable level, after which James starts an enthusiastic run down of their prank today, with frequent interruptions from Sirius and Peter.

The Marauders are in their element as they reminisce about their amazingly successful mission, with Lily being their one-woman-audience, clapping obediently at all the appropriate places.

The stars have aligned, and after an apparent apocalyptic collision course, they have come out on the other side as a collection of imperfect souls. Who, despite their own internal conflicts, still found various ways to enjoy one another in the multitude of relationships the group spans. It’s not equal, or in anyway organised, but it’s happy and enjoyable and the best way to continue to spend their years together.

Remus sighs happily, leaning back into Sirius, who responds at once by raking his hand through Remus’ curls, eliciting an automatic contented sound, his eyes fluttering closed.

Remus opens his eyes to Peter miming puking from his place, lying in the grass with his head pillowed on his hands. Remus rolls his eyes at him.

Peter is the only one still left in the shade, who got the short end of the stick after all the fanfare and dramatics. Remus got Sirius out of the whole ordeal, something that wouldn’t have happened if the status quo hadn’t been interrupted in the way that it was. James will share his time between Sirius and Lily, leaving Peter more to the side than he’s used too, but without James intending to exclude him in anyway.

“Have you guys, like, ever had a date?” Lily suddenly asks, interrupting Remus’ musings.

Remus twists slightly to lift an enquiring eyebrow at Sirius, who starts to shake his head, until he stops and laughs out loud.

“Yes,” he snickers, to Remus’ growing confusion. “We have romantic night-time hikes through the forest every month.”

There goes a collective breath of realisation through the group, before they all start to laugh.

Lily watches them with a frown and an amused, but confused, smile.

“That’s true,” James chokes out between his laughing. “Peter and I join most of the time, but we're always the third and fourth wheel to those two.”

Peter nods frantically. “They’re always frolicing around, licking each other.”

James barks out another laugh and Sirius joins him. Peter beams.

Remus covers his face and regrets his life choices.

But he actually doesn’t, because in reality, he’s very happy to be here, and very lucky with their company.

So he says, “you guys are the worst friends a guy can have,” and means the exact opposite.

From the way they smile back at them, they hear his underlying message loud and clear.

Sirius noses his way to the crook of Remus’ neck, placing a soft kiss there. Remus can feel him smiling into his skin.

“We love you too, Moony.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you so much! 
> 
> This project was so entirely new to me, and it turned out that writing as I'm posting is both very stressful but very productive. It was a daunting puzzle to resolve all things I had previously thought up on a whim in the other chapters, and I'm pretty proud of how it all turned out at the end. Everyone who commented during posting, you guys are the ones that kept me writing and I'll be forever grateful. 
> 
> I don't have another Remus/Sirius fic planned at the moment but you never know when inspiration strikes. For people interested, a luna/ginny post-war fic is still on my to-do list. Maybe I'll see you around for that later :D
> 
> I can't say anything other than thank you again, so thank you!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you amarulasmile and Kassel for beta'ing this for me <3 
> 
> Well, that was my first forray into a new fandom. I wanted to scope out the area before I wrote something more time consuming, because I have around 5 inceptions wip's in the work at the moment and one 00Q wip, so I need to be careful in starting too many new things. 
> 
> But I really loved writing it, so if there is interest I can steal some time from my other projects and resolve the mess the boys are in. (And have James kick Sirius and Remus together, because we all know those two need some forced courage.) 
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading!


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